So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
