when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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