Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
