I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
