It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
