I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
