If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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