I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
