Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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