I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
