How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.