party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.