between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.