So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again