Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
