um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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