Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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