Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
