I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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