I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
