I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
