We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
