my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
false alarm, still single
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize