I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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