No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
