i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
