***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
