'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
