So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
