you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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