Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
