I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
