So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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