Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
