before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
