Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
