My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
