and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
