I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
