i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
