Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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