saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
