He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
