he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
4 words: hood of his car
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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