im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Enjoy the penises
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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