I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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