I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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