I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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