member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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