I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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