i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
