I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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