ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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