Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
