She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
