1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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