You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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