Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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