she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
