don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
