What did we do last night that was yellow?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
