I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
