these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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