This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
