I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
