New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
