did you get engaged???
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
