you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
