i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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